Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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