You're so nebulous sometimes
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize