If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
