I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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