Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Randomize