Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
