WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
