question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
