i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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