I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize