I can text with my tongue
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
