I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We are all done wearing pants today
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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