I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
