I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
