haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
