If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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