i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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