He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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