he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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