Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
