I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Found the puke drawer
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
