I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
