i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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