I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
