Im at strip club and am horny
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
