Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
