That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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