garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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