I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
