Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
