I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
