I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
