I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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