TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
