New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
