Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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