I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
