dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
