if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
