He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
