Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
