There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
