Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
