just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize