You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
