I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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