it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This baby is an asshole
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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