i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's blow job season.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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