as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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