and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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