I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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