Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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