so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
