Sry I called you an 8
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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