Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Life is so much better after having sex.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
