what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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