Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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