***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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