wanna go halves on a baby?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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