alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
