i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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