Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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