No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
