i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
