why didn't you poke me back
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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