She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
