i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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