i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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