apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
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