I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
