There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
