My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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