So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize